Just wanted a drink
by Lamker
Summary: A mercy mission gone wrong, a group of clones faces madness. Fives is crying, Rex might commit mutiny, Cody might kill a brother, Jesse is no help, Echo is out of it and Wolffe got knocked out. Angry citizens of the planet want them dead and the boys wanted a drink, not cause a planetary shut down for the government. Humor one-shot.


**Okay people! You said you wanted to see it and here you have it! I just want to say - this is a bit of an old story I did when I had a shitty week and needed some cheering up. I'm also kind of not used to 'whole story humor' so there's a bit of hurt/comfort. Also, might be kind of OOC but with reason (you find out why at the end :P)  
This a sort of crack/parody kind of story, made for fun and laughs. Hope you don't hate it for that ^^''**

 **That's that! I don't own anyone from here - everything can be found on the Star Wars wiki if you're curios.  
Read, review and enjoy~ ^^**

* * *

"Why do I always get stuck with these missions…? And just when I was on a break," Commander Wolffe grumbled, sitting in the back of the ship as they descended onto the nearby planet.

"Oh c'mon Wolffe, they're not that bad. Besides, you got your meal right?" Commander Cody grinned, looking over his shoulder from his position at the front.

"Says you… nothing ever happens on these missions… Should have drank some more before coming here…" Captain Rex added, eyes steady on the planet as he stood by the controls.

"I think it's nice to get some time off from all the fighting. Our break wouldn't have lasted long anyway," Echo shrugged, checking the system to insure a safe landing.

"I still don't get why all of us had to go. I was enjoying the food for a change…" Fives sighed, slowing their decent onto the planet Ukio.

"Because the Generals thought we could use some 'down time' and bond… We could do that over other things," Jesse explained, sitting next to Wolffe and looking out the window of the ship.

"Why did they sent so many of the 501st then?" the Wolfpack Commander frowned, glaring at the non-captain men in blue.

"General Skywalker thought it would do them good. 'Sides, you don't know what they're like when they're left alone for too long," the Captain shot each of his men a steady glare as they gave a sheepish grin in return.

"General Kenobi wanted to test the 212th and how they work without me…" the Commander in Orange spoke sadly, almost offended.

"I still say it's stupid," the clone with one normal eye frowned again.

"Look, it'll be over soon, so try and stay awake alright?" Cody, back to normal, spoke. He, out of everyone on the ship, outranked Wolffe and could speak freely. Rex had learned a while back to try and keep it as professional as he could, but well, Rex is Rex.

"Or you could take a nap and let us do it all. It'll probably be easier, since the inhabitants would run in terror from you," the blonde's remark earned him suppressed laughs and grins amongst the troopers and a death glare from the 104st Commander.

"Before you two get into a fight," Echo intervened, voice a bit tense as he addressed his superiors, "We're about to land. Sir," he added that just in case Wolffe thought about taking his head off.

* * *

Ukio was a peaceful planet in the Outer Rim, with lots of rivers. The inhabitants, Ukians, were mostly farmers, who suffered at the hand of the recent Separatist attack that the Republic chased away. And now, they were in need of some help. Mostly just taking care of any droids left in the aftermath and making sure buildings were secure.

"Let's just get this over with," Wolffe was at his feet before the doors even opened and set on his bucket, before stepping out.

"Wolffe, wait!" Cody called, letting out a groan of frustration and rushing after him.

"Let's get out there," with a sigh, the Captain grabbed his own and Cody's helmet before leaving.

"I got a bad feeling about this…" Jesse muttered, glancing at his brothers.

"What's to worry about? The file says they're farmers – not like they can harm us," Fives gave his usual confidant grin and followed their CO out.

"When do things ever go as planned for us…?" Echo sighed, giving a shrug and followed Jesse out of the ship and onto the planet surface. They were a bit too distracted to notice the beeping as they left, as a red light blinked. The air was thicker than what they're used to, but they've handled worse.

* * *

When Wolffe got out, he saw the natives of this planet and felt free to frown under his bucket. The Ukians were tall, thin bipeds, with hairless pink or green skin. They had wide, bright eyes which narrowed to slits on each side. The Ukians stared at him with big eyes, before the Commander heard his brothers behind him.

"Wolffe, I see you already made some new friends," when not facing them, and especially with their helmets on, Wolffe had a hard time distinguishing between Cody and Rex.

They were almost the same when it came to sarcasm and jokes. And Rex never shied away from not addressing his SO as he should.

"You could say that…" he mumbled, as the purple/green aliens eyed them.

"Sirs, what are your orders?" came from behind as the other three troopers arrived.

"Let's see if they know basic…" the 212th Commander took a few steps forward towards the Ukians.

"Hello," he started as his brothers sighed at the simplicity of his approach.

"Can you understand me?" Cody added as the natives kept looking at him.

"I'm with the Grand Army of the Republic, here to assist you in-," before he could go on, one of the aliens in the front growled, looking a lot less friendly and the clone backed away.

"Well, he seemed to understand that," Rex chuckled from behind as even Wolffe grinned.

"Anyone else, who'd like to try, be my guest…" Cody muttered, not amused.

"I'll give it a shot," Fives stepped up, walking past his superiors and took off his bucket.

"Careful you idiot," Echo almost facepalmed but restrained himself.

"Greetings, I'm Fives," with a wave of his hand, the natives narrowed their eyes. "The others are my friends, and we're here to help. Can you understand?" he stressed the words with equal embarrassing faces.

"…" there was silence on all sides as the clones waited for their reaction.

"I don't think-," Jesse was cut off when one of the Ukians shouted, hand in the air and the others did the same.

"I think you pissed them off!" Wolffe yelled, reaching for his blaster but was stopped by Cody.

"No shooting. They're civilians," he warned, an edge in his voice that made the Commander stop.

In moments, the natives rushed forward. The clones, not sure what to do, tried to defend themselves with only their hands, but it was futile. The Ukians were rather strong and heavy, and the swarm easily overcame the six soldiers. Especially since they weren't fighting back.

* * *

As they tried to fight them off, they noticed they were being taken away from their ship and towards… well, they weren't sure. When they finally arrived at what seemed to be the center of the village, the clones were released and the natives back away.

"That was… interesting," Cody cleared his throat as Rex gave him a look of 'are you serious?' while Wolffe let out a small growl.

"It's like General Kenobi and Skywalker…" Echo mumbled, looking at his SO.

"They do take after them a lot…" Jesse shrugged, getting to his feet from where he landed.

"Now what?" Fives looked around, seeing the Ukians were back to just staring at them.

"Welcome!" came a booming voice as the six turned, seeing one of the natives, only bigger and had a more yellow shade of skin and a big smile on his face.

"You sent by Republic yes? I am Igan!" well, he spoke basic – that was something.

"Yes," Cody was the first to react, straightening his back and taking a step forward.

"I am Commander Cody," he introduced himself, before motioning to the others: "My companions are Commander Wolffe, Captain Rex and ARC Troopers Jesse, Fives and Echo. We were sent here to help," removing his bucket; the Commander gave a small smile.

"So much like Kenobi…" the other five clones thought, realizing they too were supposed to remove their helmets – and they did, albeit with a bit of a hesitation.

"Help? Ah yes! The enemy! No need to worry! They are gone!" the apparent leader of the Ukians laughed as the clones looked skeptical.

"You sure? I mean, those clankers are plenty," Rex joined the conversation, looking up at the giant humanoid creature.

"Oh yes, yes! They fled out there!" Igan pointed his hand to the forest. "But they left things – strange things – when they fled," at that, the soldiers snapped their heads to him.

"Bombs," Wolffe growled, a scowl on his face.

"We'll take care of those, no worry," Fives grinned, giving a nod.

"Thank you!" Igan smiled and spoke to his people in their native tongue. After a few words, the farmers cheered and smiled.

"Just show us where the bombs are," Cody nodded before Igan spoke again and some of the natives came closer, motioning the clones to follow.

* * *

"These are all inactive…" Rex muttered, eyeing the small object on the wall.

"You sure?" Cody asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

"Positive. They're like the ones we use in the 501st – just carry a different radius and a smaller impact," taking hold of the object, the Captain took it off the wall and moved it in his hand to get a better look.

"You sure know a lot about this…" Wolffe spoke, a hit of impression in his voice, taking down his own bomb and setting it into a bag.

"You get used to it after so many ground recon and assault mission," the answer was halfhearted, like the blonde didn't know who he was talking about.

"Well, Captains tend to be in more action than Commanders…" Cody spoke, his tone a bit sad.

"They also tend to only fight, not think," the one with the cybernetic eye muttered, earning a half hurt half annoyed look from the Captain.

"Wolffe, you should know that-," before the 212th leader could finish, Jesse came in.

"Sirs, we've taken down the few we found. There shouldn't be any bombs left," after he spoke, the trooper sensed he interrupted something, as the tension could be felt in the room.

"Thank you Jesse, we'll meet you all outside," Cody spoke, seeing the other two were still glaring at each other.

A few moments passed, and Rex broke his stare, heading out without saying a word. Cody, standing by the exit, saw Wolffe and put a hand on his chest, keeping him in.

"Wolffe, you don't interact much with the rest of the command. Don't pretend you know what is happening around," the two sent dark looks at each other, two eyes almost threatening as one seemed annoyed.

"Maybe you should explain it to me then," the Wolfpack leader growled softly and just as the other clone was about to answer, a call of 'Commanders!' made them both back off and go outside.

"What?" they called, seeing the three soldiers looked board and one deep in thought.

"What now? We found all the bombs," Echo explained, nodding to the three bags on the ground.

"Well, I already told General Kenobi about what happened. Now we wait for further orders," Cody shrugged, moving closer to Rex, who has yet to acknowledge anyone.

"Can we see if this place has any drinks? I really need one…" Fives licked his lips and frowned.

"Didn't everyone get one before we left?" the Commander sighed, tuning to Rex.

"Aren't you going to join in?" the Captain only moved his eyes to his men before sighing.

"I'll keep an eye out for them…" he muttered, nodding to Jesse to get off his ass and move it.

"C'mon Wolffe, you know you want a drink," the Commander in orange grinned.

"Tch, fine…" with a roll of his eyes, Wolffe followed the others, who were looking for the bar.

These guys were never high on mercy missions, so they never knew what to do. Not to mention their moods were dropping – must be the atmosphere of this planet. And each one was getting a slight headache – nothing they couldn't handle but it was annoying. A drink usually fixed that.

* * *

As they walked around, the natives kept smiling at them, but no one really understood a word. Fives had tried to ask them about drinks, but they just looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"How can we not find a single place to drink? And why are we so lost! This place isn't even that big!" the impulsive ARC Trooper frowned and his ARC brother sighed.

"Maybe if you just-," as Jesse was about to speak, an explosion rocked the ground beneath them. Yells and screams of the natives came from all over as the clones shared a look, put on their helmets and rushed towards the explosion.

"Oh kriff…" they muttered, seeing that the explosion had come from their ship and everything around it was now in flames, the ship itself destroyed. That included a pillar of sorts, with all kinds of plants engraved in it.

"I got a bad feeling about this…" Jesse said again, loud enough for his brothers to hear.

The fire didn't spread too much as the natives managed to keep it under control, but when all was set and done, their eyes turned on the soldiers, hatred and anger in them.

"Why are they looking at us like that?" Echo dared to ask as they started being surrounded.

"…That was their Life Totem…" Rex spoke into the private channel they shared. "I've seen it before, during a mission with Commander Tano. It supposedly protects their harvest and homes. And we just destroyed it…" he explained, his back touching with that of his brothers.

"Wonderful… just wonderful!" Wolffe growled, hand on his blaster.

"Where's their leader? Maybe we could explain the situation…" Cody looked both ways, seeing that almost every farmer had come now.

"I don't think they want to listen, sir," Fives' comment didn't help, as they took out their blasters.

"Only shot if you have to! And set it on stun!" Cody ordered as the farmers stopped not too far from them, pitchforks, shovels and other tools in their hands.

"Well Captain, what do you do in this situation?" Wolffe almost mocked a small grin on his face. "You did say you see more action and you've dealt with this before."

"Yeah, but last time, we didn't destroy the totem," it was clear Rex was forcing himself to keep professional.

As they faced down their oppressors, the soldiers thought the natives had calmed down. Fives even took a few steps forward, despite the protest of his SO. One of the Ukians growled as he came closer.

"Whoa, whoa no need for-," his words were cut off when a fork missed his leg.

"Now?" the Wolfpack leader growled, looking at the other Commander.

"No."

"Then what?"

"Fives, get back here now!" Rex yelled in an order as the natives advanced.

"Run," Cody spoke, turning around and dashing away, the one spot where they weren't surrounded.

Jesse and Echo shared a look, then at their Captain who had to go and drag Fives away while Wolffe seemed frozen in his spot.

"Run?!" he repeated, as if he didn't understand.

"Run!" Rex called, pulling the Commander behind him like the ARC Trooper and motioning with his head for the last two to do the same.

"I **told** you this isn't gonna be easy!" Jesse shook his head.

"What did we even do?!" the second ARC trooper called, stealing a glance back at the angry mob.

"How the kriff would I know?!" Fives shouted, thinking he'd get the blame – as usual.

"Rex – let – me – go!" the Commander tried breaking free, but the Captain's grip was unusually firm for one of his rank.

* * *

After a few minutes of running, the clones finally stopped and took a rest. Cody and Rex checked the perimeter and found that they haven't been followed into the forest. That was good.

"Can someone tell me what the kriff happened?" Wolffe growled, rubbing his hand by which the 501st Captain had dragged him along.

"They think we destroyed their totem, and without it, they won't be able to make good harvests anymore," the blonde man sighed, putting down his helmet and sitting on the ground, looking at the others.

"If only they understood us…" Cody sat on a rock, bucket on his knee and thinking of a solution.

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Echo asked, looking around.

"We need to try and find another ship. The sooner we're out of here, the better," Cody spoke as the three troopers jumped to their feet.

"We'll go!" before any of the superiors could protest, they were gone.

"What was that about?" the 212th Commander wondered, until he felt coldness around him.

Gulping, Cody turned his eyes on the other two soldiers, seeing them glare at each other. If looks could kill, they'd both probably be dead.

"You wanted action Captain, here you go," Wolffe spoke, eyes never going off the blonde.

"I'm surprised you haven't shot anyone, sir," Rex made sure to add the proper addressing, but it only served to mock the Commander.

"At least I can know how to properly handle a situation."

"Yes I saw, you were amazing back there, sir."

"I know, maybe you could learn something."

"I wouldn't want it to seem as if I was copying off you, sir."

Cody just sat there, not sure what to do. The two were about to jump at each other or pull out their blasters and shot. How is he supposed to handle the situation? But what was going on was the better question. Ever since they got here those two have been at each other's throats.

"Commander!" came a yell as Cody turned his head, seeing the three soldiers running back.

"What happened?" he asked, while the Captain and Commander still glared at each other.

"We found them!" Echo yelled.

"You mean they found us!" Jesse corrected.

"Just run!" Fives ran past them and jumped behind a rock.

Before the Commander could ask what happened again, he head metallic sounds and turned his head to the direction from where they came.

"Clankers!" he yelled, jumping and knocking Rex down, just as blaster fire shot over them.

Wolffe reacted a moment later, dropping to the ground, but had bad timing, as he dropped on Fives, who was holding his blaster. Out of instinct, the trooper shot and hit the Commander, who collapsed onto the ground.

"FIVES!" Echo yelled in horror, looking from the Commander to his brother.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled back, fighting the urge to cry out.

"Is he dead?! DID YOU KILL HIM?" Jesse shouted, mouth gaped open.

"It was on stun, okay!" Fives shed tears of fear for when Wolffe woke up.

"Nice shot!" Rex yelled, blasting at the droids and giving thumbs up.

"Rex! Seriously!" Cody growled, murder in his eyes as it seemed he might attack the Captain.

"We're all gonna die…" Echo whispered, eyes glassed over as he held the blaster.

"What are we gonna do?!" Jesse panicked, shooting randomly and hitting the droids.

"We can toss Wolffe over and while they're distracted, take 'em out!"

"Rex for Force's sake stop trying to do mutiny!"

"The Commander is gonna kill someone… Please don't kill me!"

"Why did I come here…?"

"Fives, Echo, don't die on me!"

"You're not helping Jesse!"

* * *

It took a while, but Rex and Cody, with little help from Jesse, managed to take care of the droids, as there were less of them than they thought.

"That wasn't so bad," Jesse smiled, feeling better for about three seconds, before hearing a groan.

"Commander Wolffe! He's waking up!" panic grabbed his heart again as Fives whimpered behind the rock and Echo just stared at… nothing.

"I got it!" Rex called, pointing his blaster and firing.

"REX!" Cody screamed as the Commander in gray fell again.

"What, it was on stun!" he defended.

Cody took a deep breath to keep himself calm and not strangle his brother.

"Let's just get out of here. Jesse, try and get Echo back so we can carry Wolffe," with that, Jesse went and shook the ARC trooper and even slapped him across the face.

"Wake up!" he screamed and it seemed Echo was finally reading him.

"Help me carry him," nodding to the sleeping Commander, Echo looked in fear but nodded.

"Fives, c'mon, stop crying and get up," the Captain spoke, pulling his man on his feet.

"But – but he's gonna kill me!"

"Not if I have anything to say about that."

After about half an hour, the soldiers made it back to the village. It was already dark and they moved quietly, so they wouldn't get attention to themselves. But as luck would have it, Cody's comm. link beeped to life and Obi-wan Kenobi spoke: "Cody, where are you? We haven't been able to reach you for the last three hours."

The troopers stopped as they heard yells and shouts. The natives had heard them and were heading their way.

"Sir, we could **really** use a ride. Right now!" the Commander spoke quickly, moving away with the others to try and avoid the natives.

"What is going on there?"

"…We found some clankers and well, Commander Wolffe got shot!" Rex piped in, knowing his friend was always bad at lying to the General.

"I see, I'll be there with a ship in a few minutes. Stay where you are."

"Not an option sir!" Jesse yelled, finger pointing at the mob of farmers.

"Run!" Cody yelled, pulling Echo, who had frozen again behind him, while Rex threw Wolffe and Fives on his shoulders, the latter too exhausted to run.

* * *

"Ugh…" came again as all troopers' eyes grew wide.

"Shot him!" Rex yelled as he felt Wolffe move on his shoulder.

"I – I CAN'T!" Jesse panicked, shaking with the blaster in his hands.

"Shot who?" Wolffe was coming back quicker and quicker, before taking note of where he was.

"Let me down Captain!" he yelled, trying to get off.

"Hey, stay still or you'll-," before he could finish, Rex tripped over a root and was sent flying into the ground, Wolffe landing atop him with Fives falling at the top.

"Get – off!" the blonde had a hard time breathing as the others stopped to help them. They rushed to get the three on their feet, but managed.

"Just keep moving!" Cody ordered, still pulling Echo behind him.

"Rex!" Wolffe called, turning to see the Captain limping behind. Seems he hurt his leg more than it seemed in that crash.

"Oh, c'mon!" he muttered, turning back and supporting the 501st leader. The blonde didn't really like the idea, but it was better than getting killed by farmers.

"I'm fine!" Rex tried but failed to defend himself, leaning on the commander in gray.

"Yeah, sure you are," the Commander muttered, a frown on his face.

"I can see the ship…" came a weak reply from Echo who was staring at the sky.

"Finally! Jesse, get him and Fives there now!" Cody called, letting the two carry the ARC trooper as he turned to see the other two CO behind.

"Rex! Wolffe! Behind you!" he shouted, seeing a half broken droid appear.

"Down!" the Captain ordered, pushing the Commander out of the way and getting hit in the shoulder, before falling to his knees.

"Rex!" Wolffe yelled, eyes ablaze as he pulled out his blaster and shot the droid, making it explode.

"We need to move!" Cody came closer, helping the 104th leader carry their brother. The both of them rushed over to the ship.

"Where are the others?" Kenobi asked, seeing the three troopers almost fall into his ship.

"Behind us," Jesse managed, panting and letting his face rest on the metal ground.

"I see them," the Jedi looked shocked, seeing the condition the three were, but shook it off and used the Force to carry them onto his ship while it already took off.

"I'd love to hear what happened," he smiled as he brought them in. But his smile faded as he saw the blonde Captain with a wound on his shoulder. Wolffe was panting and just closed his eyes, falling asleep right there and then.

"He'll be fine…" Cody spoke before the General could even ask. "The blast was weak and it didn't do much damage. Rex is just out. It's been a long day for everyone…" standing up; he addressed his superior as he's supposed to.

"Very well, but I still think all of you should head to the medical bay once we get back," the soldiers who could, nodded and looked at each other, thinking of what had happened today.

* * *

"So…" Cody spoke awkwardly, sitting next to Wolffe by the bed in which Rex was assigned.

"So," the other Commander repeated, eyes going from one brother to the other.

"So?" the Captain raised an eyebrow, not sure what to do.

"I need to say something!" two out of three said in unison, looking around and letting out a sigh.

"I'm first!" Wolffe demanded, eyes narrow. The other two backed away.

"…I'm sorry Rex," alright, that wasn't what either was expecting. Not now anyway.

"The way I acted I…" it was clear the Wolfpack leader didn't know how to say it. "I didn't mean all of it. Maybe a bit, but the rest…"

"It happened because of the air in the planet," Rex gave an understanding grin.

"How did you-?"

"Because it affected us all. When Kix checked me over, he found something off in my lungs. Turns out the air causes non inhabitants to go a bit crazy," he finished off.

"That would explain why everyone was acting so… off."

"That solves one issue," Cody cleared his throat and looked at Rex.

"Right… Wolffe, I'm sorry too for … stunning you," it came hard off his tongue, but made Wolffe grin.

"I'm actually proud about that. You showed guts, I give you that," the two laughed.

"Well, glad we finally settled that down," the second Commander smiled.

"When are you getting out anyway?" that was directed at Rex.

"Oh, I can leave now," he shrugged, actually lying, but who'd know?

"By the way Wolffe, can I ask a favor?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Fives is still scared out of his head when he shot you. Mind playing on that a bit?"

"…You're one sadistic man you know that?"

"So…?"

"Yes, I'd love to!"

* * *

 **Cut! Yeah, not my best work, but it was hella fun! Keep in mind, this was made as a stress-relieve so don't take it seriously, okay? Thanks!**  
 **I really hope you enjoyed reading this, and if you did, feel free to review!**  
 **Also, if you want, I got another Clone Wars story going on - you can find it on my profile ;)**


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